Why can I thank the narcissist in my life?

Everyone who comes into your life is there to teach you lessons for your overall growth and a narcissist is no different.

First, it’s important to realize that not everybody would see that person as a narcissist. You might say , “that’s because a narcissist is a charmer and they know how to fool people”. The truth is that the person was meant to be a narcissist in your reality but not necessarily in other people’s reality. Spiritually, they are taking on this role to teach you lessons.

What lessons?

A narcissist expects things from you. They may manipulate you into doing things for them. They may feel that the world revolves around them. The reason someone like this would come into your life is because you’re not loving yourself enough. The experience teaches you that people can make you sacrifice yourself and give your energy to them. This lesson is passed when you learn how to set boundaries and direct some of the love, that you are giving, back to yourself. It’s actually a great lesson because they are teaching you how to love yourself.

A narcissist also teaches you how to empathize. When you are in a relationship with one, you start predetermining their needs ahead of time, in an effort to keep them happy and have some stability. You do it so much that it forces you to learn how to become more empathetic. Perhaps you would see this as a negative teaching approach, but it still teaches you. People who go into a relationship with a narcissist come out stronger than when they walked in. It strengthens you. Why would you need this? Maybe to help others. Maybe to gain a stronger sense of self worth. Maybe you signed up to have a stronger character. The experience molds you and changes you. There are certain things in life that you just can’t unsee. After you’ve been with a narcissist you can usually spot one easily.

Why do they make me so angry?

A narcissist can be like a slap in the face. At the beginning of your relationship with them, you likely didn’t know they were a narcissist. You discovered that along the way. It makes your Ego angry because it feels gullible. In other words, you are angry because you were wrong. But were you? Were they actually a narcissist before you met them or did they turn into one over the course of your relationship, because you needed to learn from this experience? Some people may not be ready to hear this but it’s often the truth. Eventually you will come to understand that you create your reality and everything in your life happens for your greater good.

What’s the aftermath?

People give the narcissist too much energy because after they are done with the relationship, they hold onto that trauma and keep reliving it. Instead, they can realize that it happened, see what they learned from it, and move on.

Whenever you have anything negative happen (in order to teach you a lesson), learn from it and let it go. Talking through issues is a great step towards healing, but once you are healed, let it go. The more you talk / think about it, the more energy you are feeding the trauma, the longer you are focusing on them instead of yourself.

You don’t have to hate the narcissist, you can just accept them for who they are. You can’t change them. They are even good at pretending to change while not actually changing on the inside. Just be thankful for becoming stronger and learning to love yourself more while moving forward. Better things await.

If you want to learn more about relationships, you might want to check out this article on energy balance.