Energy balance is at the heart of all connections including the relationship between parents and children.
A balanced energy between parent and child evolves as the child goes from birth to being an adult. When they are younger, they require more energy from the parents. As they get older, the energy requirement changes.
In the illustration below, you can see how a baby requires a significant amount of energy (80%) from the parent.
As the child grows, the amount of energy needed (70%) from the parent gradually decreases.
In the illustration below, the child has now become a teen which should require less energy (60%) from the parent.
Finally, the child becomes an adult and the parent is ideally meant to now give the exact amount of energy (50%) that their child gives back. This would look like the following illustration.
In an ideal scenario, at each stage of their child’s development, the parent would gradually give less energy and the child would slowly give more energy until the balance above is reached.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case and leads to trouble in the connection between parent and child.
If a parent tries too hard to be a part of their child’s life or does not gradually reduce the amount of energy they put towards the child as they grow, the energy balance can become skewed.
The illustration on the left below shows the energy balance that occurs if a parent is giving too much energy (10% over the red balance line) to their teen. On the right is the ideal energy balance for the teen’s age.
In this scenario, the parent’s desire to connect with their teen feels overwhelming to the teen. Subconsciously, this makes the teen want to pull away. The parent is simply pushing too hard. If the teen were to describe it, they would say the parent is being “extra”.
To reach a balance, the parent can choose to take a breath and not be excessively focused on the teen for a while. Give them some space in a natural way without taking the shift personally. With the resulting energy balance shift, the child begins to crave the parent more. Eventually, this can then lead to a balanced state where both sides are happy.